career | Wine Country Mom

This article also prints in the Find It section of the Press Democrat on Friday, October 19.

by Crissi Langwell

My boss came up to me a couple weeks ago and congratulated me on a full six years working for The Press Democrat, mentioning all the departments I’ve worked in on my way to where I sit right now as I type this column for you to read.

“I hope I’m as successful as you one day,” he said in all seriousness, something that might have been funny to hear since he is the one who signs my paychecks. But the truth is, I am simply amazed when I think of where I’ve come from and where I’ve gone from there.

I started at The Press Democrat as an assistant in the real estate department in advertising sales. I had never worked in advertising before, but was fairly familiar with real estate. My father is a real estate appraiser and was training me to join the business just before the housing market crashed and all its related professions took a turn for the worse.

When it came time for me to look for something different, this one position advertised in the newspaper screamed my name. I was never meant to be a real estate appraiser. But being a writer by nature, it had been a childhood dream to work for my local newspaper. In the end, it was my background in real estate that got my foot in the door and helped me to stand out among all the other applicants.

Of course, my first position at the PD had nothing to do with writing whatsoever. Instead, I helped to put together ads for real estate agents, typed out countless addresses for our Guide to Open Homes, and put out fires with frantic agents who needed their house to sell yesterday. The job was only 25 hours a week, and as a single mother on a tight budget I was barely scraping by. Some days were better than others, sometimes I questioned my reasoning for keeping on, and almost every day I thought about my ultimate dream to be a writer at the newspaper.

The changes in the economy were affecting almost everyone at this point, and real estate wasn’t getting any better. Soon, it became apparent that my job was close to being eliminated and I needed to make a move quickly if I wanted to remain employed. Fortunately, a position opened up in page layout, the department that lays out the ads in the daily newspaper and its periodic magazines. I applied for and received the position, a move that resulted in an increase in hours as well as a raise.

There was another chapter of my life that was beginning to unfold around this time. A man who worked as an advertising account manager at the paper — we’ll call him Mr. W — had caught my eye. He was handsome, charming, sweet, and occasionally guilty of giving me ads to fit in the newspaper after deadline. After a few months of back and forth flirting, Mr. W asked me out on date.

From the very first kiss, it was crystal clear this was different from every other romance I had experienced. At first I kept my heart guarded, afraid to fall too deeply and come away disappointed. He was also afraid to be hurt. But with time, we both were able to trust that this was the real thing, and we fell deeply in love.

It wasn’t that long after this that I was contacted by one of the newspaper’s online managers. They had just started a new website for parenting called SantaRosaMom.com and my personal blog here at winecountrymom.com, a place where I wrote stories about my family, had come to their attention. Apparently they loved it and wondered if I would be interested in continuing these writings for the new family site. Of course I was.

While I continued my duties in page layout, I used my free time to share stories about my family and about being a single mom. Soon I was packing up my desk and moving to the newsroom so I could do what I love and get paid for it: write for the newspaper.

But that’s not the end. You know that romance between Mr. W and me? As you read this we are enjoying the final days of our honeymoon in Costa Rica.

I often wonder about that childhood dream of mine.

Did my desire to write for The Press Democrat serve as a career to strive for? Or did all the puzzle pieces of my life fit this perfectly together to lead me to Mr. W? Does it matter which one it is? I have a job I am passionate about, a new husband I cherish every day, and together we are raising a pretty incredible family. It’s amazing how life works out.

Thank you for sharing the journey with me.

If you read my blog post yesterday, you read about how I have a hard time letting go of the reins when I can’t be in two places at once and need help from someone else. If you read further than the words on the page, you may have gathered that sometimes I struggle with being a working woman and a mom to my kids all at the same time. This is magnified in the summertime when I am in an office and my kids are stuck at home to entertain themselves. I can’t even begin to tell you how guilty I feel that I’m not there to take them to the beach, or let them have friends over, keep them off the video games or away from the TV, or even just be there to supervise so they can leave the house to play.

But the truth is, I like working. When I take time off work for a simple stay-cation, I am bored out of my mind. And more often than not, I go back to work feeling like I accomplished nothing – as if there wasn’t enough time to relax, create family time, or do all those things I fantasize about doing whenever the weekend seems just too far away. Knowing that I am a poor manager of my time, I am well aware that being a stay-at-home mom would not be a good choice for me. A job gives me a reason to get up earlier than I would on my own, and forces me to do all the things I’d procrastinate on if I didn’t have something eating up 8 hours out of my day. I make it a point to spend time talking with the kids instead of taking them for granted. I have no problem getting my household responsibilities done since I only have a limited time to do them in. Plus, the whole money thing works out pretty well.

However, that choice is not without its consequences. There are parts of my mothering that have suffered because I am not home all the time. By the time I come home from work around 6pm, make dinner, and then clean up the kitchen, it nears bedtime and all we have time for is a quick homework check (“Did you do it?” “Yup.”). However, sometimes the report card tells a story all on its own, and any grades that were less than exemplary were symbolically tacked on my back as well.

A friend of mine is battling the opposite problem. At home, her husband has taken it upon himself to let her know she’s “just a stay-at-home mom”. He goes to work every single day and makes the money to cover their house payment, the bills, the food, and everything else it takes to run a family. She stays home with their boys, keeps the house in order, makes the meals, does the grocery shopping, entertains the kids, handles their doctor and dentist appointments, manages the bills, carts the kids to and from school, makes the meals….all without any pay. She’s stayed home with the boys for many years, making it a bleak reality that a job would be really hard to come by among other applicants who’ve had a career while she chose to stay home. Therefore, she must rely on her husband’s paycheck. And this makes her “just a stay-at-home mom”. And yet, her kids are happy and healthy, and are secure with their mother at their side to teach them the ins and outs of life before they become more independent.

Lisa Belkin, the parenting blogger for the NY Times, is starting a new book club. The book she is kicking off with is called “Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career & the Conflict of Modern Motherhood”. It’s a collection of stories from moms from all different sides of motherhood, gathered by Samantha Parent Walravens. I’m not necessarily promoting the book, as I’ve never read it. But I found the concept intriguing enough to want to read it, as it covers the feelings moms go through when they make the choice to work outside of the home or stay home with the kids, and the sacrifices they go through when that choice is made.

And it also makes me wonder about all of you who have made this choice, and who grapple with it from time to time.

Did you give up your career to stay home with the kids? Or do you work out of the house while the kids stay home of go to daycare? Have you ever been judged or ridiculed by others for your working or stay-at-home role? Do you ever feel guilt or negative feelings – from twinges to full-blown resentment – about the choice you made? Or are you totally confident in your choice and have never looked back since? Share your thoughts in the comments. As always, anonymous comments are welcome.

Giving the kids something to talk about in therapy.

Wine Country Mom

Tag Archives: career

Fulfilling Dreams

Working vs. stay-at-home mom

Giving the kids something to talk about in therapy.