I just woke up from an incredibly vivid dream. The emotions in it were so intense, sparking on every inner fear inside me regarding life & death, my relationship, and potential moments of jealousy. It threw them all in my face. It was so intense that I could almost physically feel anything I touched, particularly the warmth of a hand when I held it.
The whole dream held a peaceful sadness to it, and I woke up just before it became uncomfortable. I then laid there, trying to piece together everything that had just manifested, trying not to forget a detail. I was afraid to move in case any bit of jarring took the memory away. I wanted to cry at the sadness over everything I just dreamed. Instead, I grabbed the notebook I keep beside me at all times (or more realistically, one of many I keep all around me), and quickly wrote down everything. When I finished the actual dream, I imagined the missing parts and write those down too. I fought the urge to just sit and have a good cry. And when I was at the end, I had an outline for my next novel laying in front of me in rough, yet beautiful ideas and visions.
It’s hard to know what to do with this now. I’m afraid that if I don’t start writing it immediately I will lose the intensity I am feeling over the story. But I also have a rough draft of a novel I haven’t started the rewrite process on yet that deserves to be in its final version.
Do I dare to immerse myself once again into writing a new novel before the old one is even finished? I think I know the answer to that one. 🙂
I had a dream last night that our wedding day had finally arrived. Despite the fact that I have been preparing for our wedding every single day, in my dream I was totally unprepared on my actual wedding day. But I was also pretty calm as the women in my life took over and made sure I was taken care of. After the wedding, the Mr and I drove around town to show off the fact we were married. I also didn’t want to take off my dress, wanting to get as much use out of it as I could before boxing it away.
We finally did make our way home because we still needed to book the plane tickets to Costa Rica for the next day (!). But on our way home, we kept coming across things getting in our way. Most symbolically was a black cat that literally crossed our path, or should I say, crossed under our car and ended up inside the vehicle. It started out as a skunk that I was afraid to touch though it seemed quite content snuggling with me. But then I realized it was merely a cat that was being driven farther away from his home the longer we allowed him to stay in our car. I made Mr. W pull over so I could let the cat out, but he wouldn’t leave.
At a house next to the turnout we’d stopped at, another wedding was about to take place. I felt excited to see another bride about to share the same wedding date as me. But when I looked at her decorations and all the details that were going into their wedding, I realized her ceremony was going to be way better than mine, making me jealous.
Then we ran into an old friend of mine from high school who admitted he was homeless and had nowhere to sleep. And I was left in this conundrum of wanting to get started on my married life and embark on my first night with my new husband, but wondering how to help this friend of mine who really needed a place to stay….
I finally woke up, feeling totally disturbed over the dream and stressed about all that still needs to be done for our real-life wedding.
Yesterday marked 6 months left until show time. Most of the big stuff has already been handled. We have our ceremony/reception area. We have our caterer. We have our photographer and videographer (gracious friends who are each doing it for free). The paper flower bouquets are done. We’ve booked our hotel in Costa Rica. We have our invitations. We’ve buckled down the guest list. And a couple weekends ago, I actually found the dress of my dreams.
By the way, no, the dress above is NOT the dress I’ll be wearing. That will remain a surprise until the actual wedding is here.
But there’s still so much to be done! We still need to handle the airfare to Costa Rica – something that is proving to require the help of a travel agent. Because it’s such a long flight, we may even need to alter our hotel reservations. This is not our favorite idea, but not an impossible scenario either. I have the table and room decorations weighing heavily on me. I want to avoid spending a fortune on this, but don’t want it to look cheesy either. And I have this big block sitting smack dab in the middle of my creative mind, preventing me from making a final decision about any of it. There’s a plethora of wedding ideas out there, and they’re wherever I turn. YouTube hot-to videos, emails sent to my inbox, blogs dedicated to weddings…. I find myself perusing Etsy and Pinterest for ideas, and come away with information overload. There are so many cute ideas out there, and I want to incorporate them all into my theme – but can’t figure out the ones I want most, or how to make them happen.
And then there’s the money part. Oy. It seems like the dollar signs keep adding up, regardless of how much DIY stuff we’re putting into the ceremony. So far we have a handle on it. But it always scares me to see big numbers when it comes to money, having never been a person who has had that kind of cash.
Today we get to cross “engagement photos” off the list as we have our photos taken in a few of our chosen spots here in Sonoma County. I’m totally excited! Then we can make the whole wedding official by sending out our Save the Dates. As for the rest, we’re taking this a day at a time. I don’t know what I’d do if it weren’t for my wedding planner book and checklist. Some details I never even thought of, and they stare back at me like “So, what are you going to do with me?” I figure that when it’s time, I’ll have an idea how to handle them.
If anything, with each weekend that passes on our way to the altar, crossing my fingers seems like a solid game plan…
Giving the kids something to talk about in therapy.