Wine Country Mom

Up, up, and away!

May 23, 2012 by winecountrymom

This last weekend I got to go up in a hot air balloon. Like, up in the sky where if you fall, you will come crashing down to the ground and have zero chance of surviving.

This is pretty much what I was thinking as I waited to climb inside the basket.

Beyond that, I was actually really grateful for the experience. It was something that, while a bit scary, was still on my bucket list of things I wanted to do but probably never would. But thanks to a really cool job that allows for opportunities like these in the name of writing a good story, and thanks to the other writers having absolutely no interest in doing anything that might be life altering, I got to go up at no cost.

The meetup time at the Sonoma County Airport was to be at 6am, which means wake up time was at 4:45 in the morning all the way over in Petaluma. When my alarm went off, I had to remind myself over and over why I was getting up this early. And the jitters were starting to creep in under my excitement.

When I got there, the parking lot was starting to fill up with people. I began to feel a bit awkward since I was all by myself and everyone else had at least one other person with them. Believe it or not, I constantly have to fight through my shyness. I pushed forward and immediately spotted the owner, Mike. We shook hands and he directed me to the van I would be driven in to get to where we would lift off. I took a bathroom break beforehand since we were going to be away from one for 3 hours, and I crossed my fingers that the “movement” gods would be kind to my system today.

At the air strip, the crew set forth to unfurl the balloons. Many of us watched as they got to work, some actually pitched in to help out. I stood back with my camera and took a ton of photos. The early lighting of the morning against the bright colors of the balloons made for spectacular photos and I wanted to be sure to capture it all.

I was told that the basket I was flying was the only wheelchair accessible hot air balloon in the United States, and the 4th of its kind in the world. I thought that was kind of neat. One of the passengers was in a wheelchair, and I rode with him and his wife in a balloon flown by Mike. We all watched as one of the balloons lifted off. And then ours started to move. It was slow at first, but then it started going up rapidly.

I was told beforehand that I would barely feel anything as the balloon rose. This was a lie. As soon as we started to elevate, my legs started to get really shaky and I felt my stomach drop. I looked outside, and the whole ground seemed to want to swallow us up. It was such a large view I had to turn my back against the siderail and focus on the inside of the basket. I was afraid I was going to get sick, though it was comforting to know I had a whole entire world below to throw up on.

Luckily, this feeling only lasted about 10 minutes. My teeth and legs stopped chattering, and soon I was enjoying the view just like my basketmates. We flew over beautiful vineyards, the view expanding all the way from Windsor, to Bodega, to Napa, to Petaluma. It was seriously magnificent. And the beauty was enhanced by the cool air and rising sun. Everything was cast in a golden glow as we floated over the earth, dipping and floating in an ebb and flow.

Speaking of cold, it really wasn’t. I mean, it was as cool as morning would be, but it wasn’t freezing. And as we rose, it did get a little warmer. Hot air balloons follow the wind currents, so it does not get windy when you’re up in the air. And it helps to have the burners right above giving off a bit of heat.

When we reached our destination of a retired air strip, Mike lowered the basket. But we got caught up in a “box wind”, moving us back a bit. We had to go back up and overshoot the landing space so that the box wind would catch us and bring us back. The landing was barely a bump and without incident. And while I loved the ride, I couldn’t help but be grateful to have landed on the ground.

The morning ended at Kendall Jackson where Mike’s wife treated us to quiche and coffee cake, chocolate covered strawberries, and various other bites to eat and delicious mimosas to wash it all down. Mike read us off a blessing and sent us on our way.

I was asked by several people if it was something I would ever do again in my life. I think I would. It would really be neat to experience this with my family or a group of friends. And there really is no substitute for that kind of bird’s eye view of our beautiful wine country.

A huge thank you to Up & Away Ballooning in Windsor for giving me this opportunity. If any of you ever want to go up in a hot air balloon, I could not recommend them more. The whole crew was absolutely amazing and really personable. Many of them even got their family members to join the Up & Away family, really enhancing it as a family business.

I will be writing the official story for the Press Democrat, and it will publish in the June 15th Entertaimment section. Look for it then! In the meantime, here are some of my favorite photos of the morning. You can see the rest at http://bit.ly/Ml09GA.

Posted in Local Businesses, Photo Blogs | Tagged hot air balloon, Up & Away Ballooning | Leave a Comment »

The messy blending of a family

May 21, 2012 by winecountrymom

(This story will publish in the Press Democrat on June 1, 2012)

A friend and I were recently in a classroom at the Santa Rosa Junior College, sharing stories of our separate blended families with Sociology students as they studied remarriage and stepfamilies. We came there with a stepmother’s point of view, and told these stories as openly and honestly as we could. However, we never knew just how raw such a conversation could be, especially when it was part of an open dialogue with students who had extremely great questions for us.

“Are you ever affectionate with your stepson?” one student asked in the back of the room.

I had to pause for a second before I answered, even asking him to repeat himself just to stall for time. How do I answer this question? I thought about my fiancé’s 16-year old son, how untouchable the kid had seemed over the years. Just a few months ago we weren’t even speaking to each other, unsure how to even communicate anything with the other person. But recently a positive shift started to take place. We developed a mutual interest for running, and that served as the catalyst for a better relationship between the two of us. Now he’s using my name, striking up conversations with me, and the communication between us is easy and effortless.

But affection?

“In the almost 4 years I have known my stepson, I have hugged him only once,” I admitted to the boy. “That was two Christmases ago, and I can still remember how it felt because he’s actually a really great hugger.” They all laughed.

Probably the most poignant moment of the discussion, however, was when one girl in the classroom shared what it felt like to be a stepchild caught up between homes. Her father had remarried a woman who started out trying to get close to this girl. But this stepmom’s mistake was never getting to know her stepdaughter as an individual with separate tastes and interests than her own. She would buy her new clothes that she thought were nice, but weren’t really the girl’s style. She redecorated the girl’s room, but never conferred with her stepdaughter on how she would actually like it to be decorated. The stepmother insisted that none of the clothes or belongings from their house were allowed to go to the ex-wife’s house, despite the fact that this girl’s mother was barely scraping by and could afford very little for her children on her single income. This girl would miss out on family vacations when her dad, stepmom, and new brother would travel during her visits at her mom’s house. But the biggest message she received regarding her place in the family was seeing family pictures with her stepbrother all over the house, but none of her. Feeling pushed out of her father’s new family, this student eventually moved in with her mom full time.

“When we moved into our house, one of the first things I did was put a few pictures up on the mantel,” a reader named Christina recently wrote to me after reading about this student’s story at my blog, The Village, on SantaRosaMom.com. This mom put up the pictures she had in her possession: a few of her son Jake, and a few of the two of them together. That night, her stepson Sam took notice. “You only put pictures up of Jake and you,” he pointed out, clearly hurt. Christina immediately searched the house for photos, printing out and framing some new pictures from a recent vacation that included all of them as a family. “I’m so grateful Sam said something because when I put those pictures up, I wasn’t even thinking I was being inconsiderate.”

Christina also told about how painful blending her family had been in the early years, particularly between her son and stepson. One son divided his time between households while the other was able to stay fulltime in the house. The result was a constant competition between the two of them. However, what once seemed like a hopeless situation eventually evolved into a brotherly friendship between the two and a bond within their family of four.

“I think I would define our family as a strong, loving blended family at this point. I think we all like each other for the most part and we have fun when we’re together. The household runs pretty smoothly when everyone is home. The boys know that Neil and I are totally supportive of one another, and that we’re supportive of them. If you had told me when Neil and I first met that it would take four years for me to feel this way, I probably would have cried.”

Blended families consist of two differently raised units that fit, at times, messily together. It’s not always easy, and obviously there will be mistakes. But with time, patience, and dedication, comes strength in a family that fits together beautifully.

Posted in Blending families | Tagged stepfamily | Leave a Comment »

Time Magazine and toddler breastfeeding

May 11, 2012 by winecountrymom

Time Magazine is causing quite the stir with the cover photo of their latest issue:

Above, Jamie Lynne Grumet was photographed breastfeeding her 3-year old son, along with 3 other mothers who practice “extended breastfeeding” as a part of attachment parenting – a type of parenting that is on the rise.

“When you think of breast-feeding, you think of mothers holding their children, which was impossible with some of these older kids,” photographer Martin Schoeller said about his extended breastfeeding series. “I liked the idea of having the kids standing up to underline the point that this was an uncommon situation.”

Grumet breastfed from her own mother until the age of 6, describing it as “really warm…like embracing your mother, like a hug.” in an interview with Time Magazine’s Kate Pickert. When Grumet adopted her son (then 2, not pictured) from Ethiopia, she was still lactating from her younger bio son (pictured). She was able to form a close bond with her adopted son through breastfeeding. As he began to learn the language, his need for breastfeeding grew less and less. Now at age 5, he breastfeeds maybe once a month.

However, some moms aren’t all keen on the practice of extended breastfeeding and Attachment Parenting, or even of Time’s decision to post such a controversial cover.

Jacqueline Burt of The Stir described how AP brought out her weakest parenting flaws of setting boundaries and feeling mom-guilt when things went wrong, and how it worked up until the time when her kids weren’t supposed to be as attached to her anymore. “Attachment parenting went sour for me when things like preschool and drop-off birthday parties entered the equation. Separation anxiety? You could say my kids had some issues in that area. At that point, I started to wonder — had I done them a disservice?”

Jessica Wakeman of The Frisky comments on the obvious hotness of the 26-year old BFing mom, musing, “I make no judgments about this mother’s attachment parenting or breastfeeding. But I wonder, will the visceral reaction to this provocative cover — which I would place bets on being covered up at newsstands, a la Cosmopolitan titties — do more harm to the parenting tactics she believes in than it will do good?”

Lisa Belkin of Huff Post takes issue with the title of being Mom Enough, saying, “I am not Mom enough to take the bait. To accept TIME’s deliberate provocation and either get mad at this woman for what I think I know about her from this photo, or to feel inferior, or superior, or defensive, or guilty — or anything at all, if it means I am comparing myself to other mothers.”

And more often than anything, the comparison to this photo and soft porn has been used.

What’s your take on mothers who breastfeed their babies well into (or past) their toddler years? Is this taking the Attachment Parenting movement too far? Is this helping or hurting children?

Posted in In the news | Tagged attachment parenting, Dr Sears, extended breastfeeding, Jamie Lynne Grumet, Time Magazine | Leave a Comment »

Foolproof gift for Mother’s Day

May 10, 2012 by winecountrymom

Me (center), my mom (left), and my mom-in-law (right).

For weeks I’ve been receiving emails from various companies and bloggers telling me they know the secret behind what mom really wants for Mother’s Day. One blogger thinks what Mom really wants is a good, stiff drink. Another thinks Mom just wants chocolate. Rubios thinks you should skip the flowers and give her a fish taco. Jewelry stores think Mom wants an ugly and expensive charm bracelet. I’ve received tips for coffee makers, electronics, furniture, books, movies, and more.

And these are all mostly great gifts, except for one thing – they don’t really convey personal appreciation.

Lets face it. Mother’s Day is really Kids Day in disguise. Think about it. We spend the whole day making sure the kids are happy, from their clumsy attempts at breakfast in bed to every activity that is done that day.

And if you have young kids, you realized this about two years in. Even more, you accept that fact, and even love it.

Most days, Mom’s time is spent keeping the schedule in order, making sure the family is fed throughout the day, acting as carpool to the whole neighborhood, performing the magical feat of being in three places at once, gluing tiny pieces together on a science project that is due in 12 hours, folding endless amounts of time folding t-shirts of a baby who has a better wardrobe than the adults in the house, making a dollar out of 50 cents at the grocery store, being the official master of snacks because her house has become the neighborhood hangout, being the cool mom, being the worst mom in the world, loving fiercely even when her child says ‘I hate you!”, having her heart broken over the good stuff and the bad, being her child’s biggest fan and advocate…

A mom’s job is never done.

And then there are the moms who are there for the kids who aren’t even theirs. I’m sure you know who these people are in your lives. I know I do.

- Crissy Mansfield, the mom of 4 boys, who has been my saving grace at the baseball field by taking my son with hers to every practice and game we have.

- Claudine Bibeau, who is always enthusiastic about my son coming to her house after school and considers my son like one of her own.

- My Grandma Elsie, who has allowed her house to be homebase to my son after school every day, and who has been a major inspiration and source of comfort to me.

- My mother Nancy, who has become my friend in my adult years despite my being a horrible teenager.

- My mother-in-law Joan, who is the kind of woman who says it like it is and is unapologetically herself, a courageous trait I admire fiercely.

This Mother’s Day, there are many ways you can honor the mothers in your life. You can give mom a gift, handmade to expensive trinket at the store. You can make her an elaborate breakfast of burnt toast and runny eggs or take her out for an overpriced, crowded brunch with the rest of town.

But most importantly, you should let her know how much she means to you – even in ways that cost next to nothing.

Send the moms who have helped you out a heartfelt note of gratitude. Pick up the phone and call. Set up time for a coffee date, or treat her to a movie. Spend the day as a family. Clean the house top to bottom (trust me, this one ranks high on the gifts list). Take her out to dinner. Let her know how much you care for all 364 days she has taken care of the family, because most likely she’ll still be doing it on the day we’ve set aside to honor her. And yes, dads, you should definitely be honoring your wife. She may not be your mom, but she is the mother of your children, and likely the caretaker of the whole family.

And if you’re really stuck, just fix her a stiff drink and get her that damn fish taco.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms (and you single dads too!). May your day be filled with love and family.

Crissi Dillon
SantaRosaMom.com

Posted in holidays | Tagged Mother's Day | Leave a Comment »

Tiny waterfalls

May 7, 2012 by winecountrymom

Vintage Wine Country Mom: DQ was only 9 in this picture at the waterfalls in Sugarloaf in 2008.

We were watching American Idol and Coldplay was on singing “Every teardrop is a waterfall”. My 16-year old stepson, who is normally holed up in his room, has lately been making it a habit to hang out with us in the evening. My 14-year old daughter was in the kitchen struggling with a science project for school where she had to create a rocket out of a soda bottle.

“Do you need any help?” my stepson asked her.

“No, I think I got it. I’m just not sure what to do with the nose,” she said. And as she explained what her idea was, he got up to help her anyways – this from two kids who could barely look at each other just a few months ago.

And as they worked together, a tiny, secret waterfall may have made a trickle in our living room.

Posted in Blending families | Tagged blended family, stepbrother, stepfamily, stepsister | Leave a Comment »

The dreaded Family Meeting

April 29, 2012 by winecountrymom

Mr. W, my fiancé, and I have been stumbling a little in our blended family adventure. I wouldn’t say it’s been awful – we’ve been more successful than not. But there are little things that have served as speed bumps while combining households into one. And when we went to counseling to learn how to tackle those hills, we had definite questions for our therapist, particularly these:

What our role was as a step-parent. How to give direction to a kid that isn’t yours. How to not take it personally when a step-kid was being totally unreasonable. How to get the kids to actually talk to each other instead of tattling to us. Learning how to let go of some of our own expectations in favor of one that involved all of us…

“Why don’t you try a family meeting?” our therapist asked. And I inwardly balked at the suggestion. I mean, it was a great idea in a family TV series kind of way, where everyone already gets along and then hugs by the time 30 minutes ends. But ours was not that kind of family. Instead, we were the kind of family who could grumble about what the other members were doing – as long as the offending member was out of earshot. I was better at listing my irritations to the group as a whole rather than just talking to the person directly. And the last time I felt it was safe to hug my step-son was two Christmases ago before he left on a ski trip with his mom. In fact, this last Easter my mom patted my step-son’s growing mane, and my eyes nearly fell out of their sockets.

A family meeting was a terrifying idea.

However, I wanted to prove that I would try anything in the name of unity. So I told the counselor we would do it, and to put it on the agenda to talk about this week. Then I went home and placed FAMILY MEETING in big, bold letters on our calendar.

“You should just call it a Gripe Meeting,” my step-son muttered when he saw it. My kids were gleefully enthusiastic about listing every single one of their complaints, especially the ones that had to do with flatulence.

“Save it for the meeting,” I finally told them.

Meeting day finally arrived. After dinner, we all piled into the living room. Mr. W, Frizz, Taz, and DQ all stared at me expectantly, waiting for me to lead how this was going to go. In my lap was a notebook with a few guidelines jotted down, and ready for me to record the important points of the meeting.

“Ok, here’s the rules,” I told them. “First, whoever has the floor gets to speak. That means to wait your turn. Second, one of us will always take notes during the meeting. Today it will be me. Next, we’ll each get a turn to talk about the stuff that’s been bugging us. But before we do that, each of us has to say one nice thing about everyone in the room.”

You could have heard crickets chirping. After a brief pause, they all looked around the room and let out a few nervous giggles. Taz went first. He was silly about Mr. W and his sister, but when he got to Frizz, he told him how much he loved it when Frizz played baseball with him.

“You’ve been an inspiration to me in running,” Frizz told me sincerely, speaking about both of our efforts to hit the pavement that had been proving to be a source of connection between us. We all agreed that DQ was hilarious and a huge help, and that Taz was great at baseball and did extra tasks without complaint. I admired Frizz for how dedicated he was to the things that mattered most to him. And I thanked Mr. W for his efforts in orderliness and schedules that allowed our home to run as smoothly as it does.

When it came time to “gripe”, it started off slow. Luckily, I had jotted down a few complaints I had overheard throughout the week. Suddenly we were all remembering the issues we’d had, and were even laughing about them, all of us able to relate to the “suffering” at hand. A few changes could be made immediately. And a few things would take a bit of time through trial and error. 27 minutes later, the meeting adjourned and we were all smiling and feeling good.

It felt like overkill to schedule weekly meetings for our family. But we all agreed that this was a great idea to implement on an as-needed basis. I’m starting to think that maybe my therapist has some good ideas up his sleeve after all…

Posted in Blending families, family | Tagged Family Meeting | 2 Comments »

Paleo Coconut Pancakes

April 23, 2012 by winecountrymom

I’m constantly looking for ways to make eating Paleo more interesting. Dairy and grains usually make up a huge part of a regular diet, and a diet that is void of them runs the risk of being bland. So I was more than excited to find a recipe for pancakes at the Civilized Caveman (a blog dedicated to eating Paleo) that are completely grain-free (and gluten-free!). Of course, I’ve been grain-free for a long enough time to have surpassed my addictions to carbs. However, someone who is new to Paleo (or any other diet that restricts their carb/grain intake) will see this recipe as a Godsend.

Coconut Pancakes with Fresh Fruit Reduction
Makes 4 servings

Ingredients (Pancakes):
■6 Eggs
■8 Tbsp Coconut Flour
■6 Tbsp Coconut Milk
■3 Tsp Raw Organic Honey, melted
■1/2 Tsp Sea Salt
■Coconut Oil for pan

Ingredients (Syrup):
■12 Ounces of frozen fruit of your choice
■1/2 Cup Water
■1 Tbsp Raw organic honey (optional)

If you’re going to make syrup, I would start this first before making the pancakes so it can simmer while you cook. Civilized Caveman preferred raspberries in this syrup, but I didn’t have any on hand. But I did have a whole slew of strawberries which served as a delcious substitute. I imagine any fruit would work well, though make sure to adjust ratios accordingly (i.e. blueberries might require more water since they tend to gell up). Grind the fruit in a food processor. I like a little bit of lumpy fruit in the sauce, so I allowed a few chunks of strawberries to remain in. Put the fruit in a pot, then add the water. Let it boil about 10 minutes, or till the fruit seems cooked through. Set aside, or let it simmer on low.

For the pancakes, I found the coconut flour the most interesting. I never knew such a thing existed! But sure enough, there it was in my local Whole Foods, my go-to whenever I need an off-the-wall ingredient. It’s located by the regular flours, near all the gluten-free alternatives. While there, I also picked up some coconut butter, thinking it was just another name for coconut oil. It’s not. But it is very similar to something like peanut butter (well, more like tahini), and tastes so delicious I could eat it by the spoonful.

At any rate, add the first 5 pancake ingredients together until free of lumps. Heat a griddle or pan and melt the coconut oil in it. When good and hot, ladle the desired size pancake into the pan, letting it cook for 3-4 minutes.

Here’s where it got tricky for me.

I’d like to think I’m a pro at flipping pancakes. Heck, it was the first food I ever cooked, and the food I taught my daughter to make when she was learning to cook. I know when to flip them, turn them, let them sit, and remove from heat. I can make them a golden brown color and ensure they’ll never land on top of each other. But these ones?

Multiple Fail.

First off, they don’t bubble up like regular pancakes. However, that wasn’t my main problem. My biggest problem was I had the griddle too hot, and then flipped them too soon. Then I kept them on too long. Then I didn’t keep them on long enough. Then liquid poured out each time I flipped it. It wasn’t till the last pancake when I sort of got it.

However, they still produced a pretty good looking stack of pancakes.

Once ready to serve, strain the liquid through a mesh strainer, putting the liquid back in the pot and reserving the chunks of fruit left behind. Add the honey and let it melt into the liquid. Pour over the pancakes and then add the fruit.

Confession: Being totally guilty of A.D.D. when it comes to following directions, I didn’t realize that I was supposed to strain it until I was typing this out. I actually added all the ingredients together in the beginning, and then poured it on when I was done with the pancakes. Also, I added twice the amount of honey since it still tasted somewhat sour with only 1 Tbsp.

The verdict? These were ok. Or they were great. Or they weren’t good at all. My tastebuds haven’t quite figured these out. If you eat them expecting them to taste like pancakes, you’ll be disappointed. My carb-loading fiance was not impressed with these at all. Luckily I knew that going in and had already prepared him a batch of Krustaez. My adventurous son thought they were ok, though he went for second when he was done. He was most impressed with the sauce. I found the pancakes to be a decent substitute with the consistency of bread, but not really a bread taste. However, the taste was intriguing. And filling! I ate three of them and was totally stuffed.

If you try them, let me know what you think. If you want to know how to make them without a bunch of blog chatter, or just discover some pretty creative Paleo recipes, visit civilizedcavemancooking.com.

Posted in Dieting, Food | Tagged Paleo, recipe | 4 Comments »

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