I wrote this back in 2007. At that time I was making about $1200 a month. There was no child support. There was no second income. There was just me, supporting two kids all by myself. Could you even imagine making $1200 a month, paying rent, paying utilities and gas, paying daycare costs, and still having enough left over to feed your family? And that is still more than some low-income households are bringing in. I did not receive Cash Aid – I made too much money for that. But I did receive Food Aid from the state, something I was grateful for since we wouldn’t have been able to eat without it.
Thankfully, things are much different for my family now. I no longer have to rely on any kind of aid to make ends meet. But the experience has placed a soft spot in my heart for struggling single mothers and hard-working low-income families. Poor isn’t generally a choice. But for many, especially in this economy, it’s a reality. And I’m including this post due to some flack I’ve received at my blog and read in various different places on the web regarding those who are using aid, and about the recent cuts being proposed for the state and national budget – how we should cut all these programs and force the poor to fend for themselves. A percentage of the population seems to have a vendetta against the poor. But there are real faces behind these statistics. And trust me, many of those holding that yellow Electronic Benefits Card would rather not be.
Soccer Snacks
October 14th, 2007 by Wine Country Mom
I hate the way he is looking at me. Just moments ago he was chatting easily with me. I’ve just gotten off work. My hair is loose, slightly wavy from the rain that is drizzling outside. I am wearing black slacks and a crocheted sweater. My make-up is still neatly applied, according to when I last checked. And I am spending the few moments I have before picking up my son from daycare and my daughter from her grandparents to buy the soccer snacks for his soccer team for a game that may or may not happen due to this sporadic rain. On the grocery belt are bottles of Gatorade, packages of Wheat Thins, and two packages of Halloween cookies with orange and purple frosting to help celebrate the upcoming holiday and the fact that this is their last game of the season. The cashier had been laughing with me, the soccer mom in the heart of the wine country, guessing what the snacks were for, and hoping right alongside me that the rain would cease soon so these snacks wouldn’t be bought in vain. His smile was genuine and kind, and he told me the total. $40. For soccer snacks. And I smiled without flinching as if $40 was a normal amount to spend on snacks for a bunch of kids that would ignore everything but the cookies. And I swiped my yellow card and punched in my pin. And when he looked at the screen to see how to process his payment, his smile wavered and left his eyes completely, and I could see he wasn’t expecting this. The smile nearly disappeared completely when he asked if I was using cash aid or food stamps. And I held my head high though I was mortified, and told him, “Food stamps, please.” He punched a few buttons, processed the payment, then handed me my receipt, thanking me by my name which he mispronounced anyway. I refused the help he offered and picked up my bags of soccer snacks and left the store.
I knew what he was thinking. I knew he couldn’t believe I was spending food stamps on soccer snacks. Believe me, I could think of so many better ways to spend those precious food stamps. Milk. Eggs. Bread. Cereal. Not Gatorade and cookies and little packages of Wheat Thins. It killed me to spend that much of my family’s food money for the month on an entire soccer team. And how would the team feel if they knew that the food their kids would be eating was bought with state money? Would they treat it as if the food were tainted, as if I were poisoning their kids with poor people food?
The thing that the cashier didn’t understand is poor people have their kids in soccer too. And they have the responsibility of being snack mom too. And sometimes being snack mom is an extreme hardship. You have the choice of totally embarrassing yourself among a bunch of well off stay-at-home wine country mothers who are married to successful business men by telling them you cannot afford bringing snacks for a bunch of hungry boys who end up throwing the grapes you bring at each other rather than eating them, or you can buck up and just buy the stupid snacks and smile as they complain about being tired of chilled orange slices. Again. The thing that the cashier didn’t understand is that I didn’t want food stamps, that it was embarrassing to pull that yellow card out even when I tried to do so with a slight of hand so nobody would see. But the only way I could pay rent and the bills was to work. And the only way I could work was to pay for my son to go to daycare. And the only way I could pay for my son to go to daycare on a single income was to have my food paid for by the state.
Just to make it sting a little more, the games ended up being cancelled for the weekend. Saturday came in with the sunshine, a promising glorious day. In fact, it was warmer than it had been for this month of October. But the fields were soggy from rain, and wine country children do not play soccer in the mud. I had spent $40 of my monthly food income on food I would never buy for the household on a game that never happened and would not be made up.
So I did what any single mother would do in this situation.
The kids and I sat around the table playing poker, sipping Gatorade, and ate orange and purple cookies until our tummies ached. And I think our neighbors could hear our laughter as my hand of 4 Kings beat my son’s Full House in the last play of the night. Because single mothers in the wine country don’t let their children win. They teach them to earn those chips that they win, and to lose with a smile.
Wine Country Mom 
Didn’t anyone tell you? Poor people don’t deserve to do activities that normal people do…if you wanted your kids to play sports, you should have thought of that before entering a low income bracket.
But seriously, you’re an inspiration. And I can relate to this from th other side of the fence…from the side of having grown up poor, but having had a mom who still managed to scrape together enough to fund extracurriculars for me so that I could be well-rounded and enjoy those things my peers did. What you do makes a difference, and your children are going to be so awesome due to the care you put into their upbringing. Including not letting them win.
that’s . . . one of the best things you’ve ever written, I think (that I’m aware of, I read you semi-regularly). Thank you for reposting that, which probably took some courage. I think most people just have no idea how hard hard times can be.
I feel that most single parents use those benefits for the purposes of which they were intended for. However, there are quite a few bad apples & they are the ones that promote the “they’re claiming need for state money just to buy their smokes & booze” opinions. Remember, that article a few months ago, where the state found that over a million state dollars were found to be being used at the Indian Reservation casinos. It’s articles like that, that make a lot of working people want to do away with the food stamp, cash aid programs & force the poor to survive on their own. While I understand that there are more families using the aid like they’re supposed to use it, it’s really hard not to get mad as hell when the welfare jessies slap us in the face!
Thank you, all of you for your kind responses to this. I just get tired of the bad press regarding welfare and financial aid. And Shawna, I agree with your reasoning. The actual truth is that those “bad apples” make up a small percentage of who uses this money. But they are the biggest focus when folks bash recipients of state or county funds. And even I have a beef with them, as you remember from that one article I wrote months ago (http://winecountrymom.blogs.santarosamom.com/12255/vacationing-on-welfare-money/). They are stealing money from those that need it – the single mom who receives minimum wage for her 40 hour a week job, who wouldn’t be able to make it if it weren’t for state aid or food stamps. Those that misuse state funds create a bad name for anyone who must bite back their pride and receive those funds out of necessity.
It is increasingly difficult to get, and get re-certified for, ANY kind of “benefits” we are entitled to as citizens. Here’s my story:
At 70, I am still reasonably comfortable in my skin, but I lose focus so easily, get distracted and forget what I was doing… it takes a huge amount of willpower and/or prayerpower to get through the paperwork and interview and then get all the paperwork back into my own files so I can find them the next time I need to be re-certified for something. Here’s part of the recent sequence:
I recently had to re-file for “food stamps” which of course are not food stamps anymore at all, but a debit card of sorts.
Point being, I had to jump through hoops of fire and bring documentation of everything in my world, etc. and appear at 8am in downtown Santa Rosa, tho I live elsewhere. Remarkably humane people briefly but professionally assisted me and I was given the plastic card. I was awarded $16 a month. This really helps my $1200 Social Security Retirement Benefit I paid into for 50 years working in corporate America, paying taxes, following the rules.
When finally forced to semi-retire (work 3 part-time jobs with no benefits or Unemployment Insurance etc.) I was earning $10/hour with top secretarial skills and with some benefits. When Ronald Regan mouthed his famous “trickle-down theory” I was earning $10/hour. I finally fully retired at 67 because I could no longer find any employment I was still capable of performing. But, back to my sequence of events:
Right after the recent ‘food stamps’ process, I had to re-certify for my Medicaid assistance. Medicaid pays the $96.40 per month for my Medicare premium, which otherwise would automatically be deducted from my Social Security Retirement Benefit amount. I am required to have my Social Security Retirement Benefit payments electronically transferred into an account at a bank or credit union. Most of the same paperwork and different forms…
Next, I had to re-certify for my HUD low-income senior housing. Yaddah-yaddah-yaddah!
Meanwhile, I had to officially retire my vehicle through the Bureau of Automotive Repairs ~ a process that actually took most of three months to complete and finally receive a check from a DMV-authorized dismantler. This process also required proof of income, ownership, mechanic’s records for the past two years and other documentation.
I am now nearly 71 years old and thank God I am still sane enough to have gotten through all this, this year, and I’ve kept a roof over my head and food in my body (albeit Food Bank food full of GMOs, bruises, mold and only God-knows-what!)
Fifty pounds lighter since I moved here to Sonoma County three years ago, receiving all the help I am given through any and all sources available to me, I am grateful for my home and my health and the Lord’s guidance that led me to this community that has become my home. I pray it will ever be so for me!
I write this to illustrate that we (seniors like myself and others who have lost their ability to get from Point A to Point B, much less complete these kinds of projects) need Advocates to assist us!
Where can we go? Who can help us? Who cares enough to make this a part of the compassionate caretaking I pray is coming about among the healing professions today?
Thanks for writing your Blog; thanks for reading my rave.
Peace and Blessings,
Rev. Allorrah Be
Circles of LIght Ministries
Sebastopol, California
United States of America!