Wanted, Dead or Alive. This was the title of a series of homemade “wanted” posters that were hung all over the Grossmont College campus in San Diego. They were hung by a disgruntled father whose 19 year old daughter was dating a 33 year old man who was registered as a sex offender. The posters included the photo and name of the boyfriend, his student status at Grossmont College, and a reward of $3,000 to anyone who could deliver his body….dead or alive. The father has since been arrested for these posters after his daughter and her boyfriend alerted police.
My daughter and I heard about this story on the radio this morning, and our mouths were opened in disbelief. But I got to thinking about what this guy was going through, the helplessness he must have felt, and how I would feel if my own daughter were shacking up with some guy who was dangerous…and I understood.
Let’s go over a couple points. First of all, the woman is a 19 year old woman – legally an adult who can make her own choices. Second, a father is always a father – a role that generally means his child’s safety and best interest is his biggest priority, no matter what her age is. Third, this 19 year old woman is dating a registered sex offender. It is not known what he has to register for, but it’s safe to say that it isn’t for something positive.
And then there’s the dynamic between a teenage girl (she may be a legal adult, but let’s face it – 19 is still a teenager) and her father – a relationship that can prove to be a tricky one.
As someone who was once a teenage girl AND the daughter of a protective father, I can relate with what the 19 year old girl is going through, and why she turned her father in. Many of the arguments I got into with my father were over boys. And many of these arguments had us on non-speaking terms for days – after episodes of screaming matches, of course. As a teen, my dad was all wrong. And no matter what he said, I was going to do whatever I wanted to. I tell you, if my dad had heard of something like what this San Diego father did he would have been the very next person at Kinkos creating “Wanted” posters for the latest bad boy I had chosen to hang with – offering a reward for his head in a sling. And as a teenage girl, I would have done exactly what this girl had done – stood by my man and turned my father in for threatening murder on him.
But as an adult who has learned a thing or two from my past, as well as the mother of a daughter who is getting closer to those dating years every single day, I can tell you now that the majority of the time my dad had a valid reason to be concerned. He wasn’t fighting me to make my life miserable. He didn’t have a problem with some of the guys I dated just to be a jerk. It was all because he loved me. And had I let go of my stubbornness and teenage pride and just listened to him (something near impossible for a teenage girl to do), I might have saved myself a lot of heartache and hardship.
This man in San Diego is a dad who is concerned over his daughter, the little girl all grown up that he has dedicated his life towards protecting. And he must feel powerless as he watches his “little girl” take off with the very type of person he’s been protecting her against. I can safely assume that this has been a topic of dissention between the two of them, and the father was at his wits end. And I don’t doubt that when he wrote on the “Wanted” posters that he’d accept the boyfriend’s body “dead or alive”, he meant it just like he wrote it – hence the arrest for threatening another man’s life.
But were my own daughter to choose a sex offender, woman abuser, or any other despicable role that would put her in danger… Let’s just say that I think this man putting up posters is not the biggest crime he could have committed in efforts to protect his daughter.
Wine Country Mom 
tl, dr…
“if i possess a sufficient quantum of self-justifying moral outrage, i’m allowed to solicit the contract murder of other citizens.”
yeah, that’s a positive social statement.
Alright, alright. So I’m not advocating that murder is correct. But I do understand this dad’s rage, and the do-anything-to-protect daughter stance.
See the mistake that the dad made here was that he wen’t public, it would have been much more efficient to go all ninja and do it himself, saving him $3,000 and the trouble with the police!!! 😀
Given that judges are requiring 17year old’s to register as sex offenders for having consensual sex with 16 year old’s, the term ‘registered sex offender’ means nothing nowadays.
Yeah, but this guy is 33…. It’s been awhile since he was a teenager having sex with other teenagers. And back when he was a teenager, the sex offender rules were not aimed at teens having statutory sex. It’s definitely possible it could be something minor like that, but highly doubtful given his current age.
This father’s frustrations at seeing his daughter date a man with a past such as this one’s notwithstanding; do some research. Look up the guy on Meghan’s list, conduct a preliminary -citizens- investigation and make a judgement if you think the dude is dangerous or not. Talk with your daughter. Plant the seeds of concern in her mind as well as yours. Meet the guy, look in his eyes. But NEVER EVER let your guard down. Commit your effort to protect your daughter to silent memory, and always remain focused on the ways you can be both wrong and right. In short, be concerned and proactive, but think it through, lest you end up on the wrong side of the law through best intentions. Remember that the man who killed Suzi in the “Lovely Bones” was eventually done in by an errant icicle. Fate has a way of invervening sometimes.
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I totally get why the dad did it.
A sexual offender, is a sexual offender, is a sexual offender. I don’t care why or what he did, it is what it is.
I’m not sure if I would have enough self-restraint to just make up posters though. My daughter is my life. I would have to truly do some serious praying not to hurt that man myself.
this dad is 100% right anyone that thinks he is wrong,must not have a daughter.If you do have a daughter and side with this sex offender,i hope that one day it does not come back to bite you in the ass!