Have you ever been on the cusp of some very great things, experiencing life exactly as you’ve always wanted to, only to have it also raise in you an unfounded fear that any wrong step will kill you before you reap the rewards?
I have a secret fear of dying right now.
This all started months ago as I planned my wedding, not sure how I got so lucky that I found someone like Shawn and that he actually wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I became so fearful of dying in a car crash or falling and breaking my neck before the wedding actually happened, I began having nightmares about it. One was so vivid, it became the topic of the novel I’m actually working on now, which I guess is a good thing.
Except I’m still haunted.
This week I was asked to join the Writer’s Guild at work. With the invitation came a promise of job security, decent benefits, an addition to my vacation and sick pay, and a pretty decent pay raise. It’s just in time, too, because after a wedding we still owe for, Christmas was looking a little grim this year. It answered all my prayers.
Side note: Speaking of prayers, I recently began tithing again, an act of worship I turned away from when the wedding bills were adding up. I got the news about the raise this week, my 2nd week into tithing. Seems I’m always blessed more when I remember the money isn’t mine, but God’s.
Third good thing – the novel. It’s flowing, at times, faster than I can type it. When I stop thinking and just let it happen, the whole thing starts writing itself. I’m at 30,000 words on Day 12, and I love the way it’s going. Waking up at 4am every morning has been effortless so I can type for 3 hours before getting on with the rest of my day. I’m so motivated, I can’t wait to finish writing this so I can start editing last year’s novel and finally get it published.
I’m on fire. My heart feels like it’s about to jump out of my chest over all the exciting things going on in my life, although it might also be the massive amount of caffeine I’m consuming these days. Life is good.
And I better not die before I’ve gotten my fill of it all!