The majority of your time is spent with children under 5. It’s a lucky day when you are able to wash your hair. You haven’t worn a dress in….you can’t remember when… Your size is a number you’d rather not discuss. You’re exhausted from reffing childhood fights, cleaning up multiple juice spills, washing and ironing the same clothes day in and day out, and trying to find the shirt that smells the least like spit-up to wear for the day. Sexy? You’re idea of porn is watching your husband unload the dishwasher so that you can sit for a few minutes with your nose in the book!
Yes, I know that sexy may not be a word in your vocabulary right now. But it should be. After all, it goes without saying that feeling sexy feels good. The good it does for your own self image will do wonders for your love life. And I’m not exaggerating when I say that you will even be a better parent to your kids if you feel sexy in your own skin.
Sometimes it’s as simple as wearing sexy underwear. Something new and lacy underneath is a secret you can keep to yourself, keeping sex at the corner of your brain even while you do the most mundane tasks around the house. Execute a swift and spontaneous flashing to your husband (when the kids are otherwise occupied), and see what happens. Pay attention to how you feel wearing something so risqué throughout the day. One of my favorite places to buy lingerie is Ma Cherie et Moi (see their write-up over at ShopSoCo.com). They sell European undergarments that don’t only look sexy, but feel sexy. While here in America we tend to make sure that there is no trace of a bra – be it straps, through a shirt, or above the neckline – in Britain, women wear their bras to be seen. Their shirts might be a bit sheer, or lower cut than the top of their bras. But they don’t hide their sexiness. They FLAUNT it. Now, that’s sexy.
Exercise. I know, I know – with what time??? It doesn’t take much. All it takes is 15 minutes out of your day to get your heart rate pumping. Put the baby in a stroller and take a brisk walk around the neighborhood. Pop in an exercise video and work out with the kids. Wake up an hour early and enjoy an early morning bike ride. Take the kids to the park and utilize all that play equipment as your own personal gym. Grab the basketball and challenge your kid to a one-on-one. Not only will a little extra activity increase endorphins (the naturally induced “sexy drug”, if you will), you’ll have more energy AND you’re promoting health and fitness in your family. And THAT will feel really good!
Take some time out for yourself. There I go with the whole “time” thing again. “Crissi, where am I going to get all this free time you’re throwing at me???” Hey, I’m a single mom. I get that time is valuable. I get that time doesn’t just happen. No, you have to MAKE it happen. Remember that husband of yours? How about your parents or family members? What about that single mom friend who is always commiserating with you about the lack of free time she has? Surely you know someone that would be willing to take the rugrats off your hands for a few hours, even just once a month. Take advantage of that time by treating yourself to a pedicure or a new hairstyle, enjoying a quiet afternoon watching the world go by from a park bench, paint a picture, take a picture, write a poem, peruse a bookstore, enjoy a movie without a date, take yourself out to lunch… The possibilities are endless. The most important part is to spend time with YOU, the person that you know the most. What? You don’t know her anymore? Well, here is a great chance to get reacquainted. Harried mom, meet “self”.
Take time out with your partner (see above for any arguments about time). Plan a date night at least once a month – once a week is even better. Or, if that proves to be too difficult, plan a date night IN. Put the kids to bed early and enjoy a candlelit dinner together. Cuddle on the couch for a movie. Share a book. Share a bubble bath. 😉 Turn off the phone, shut down the internet, and sweep the toys in the living room to the side to be dealt with tomorrow. Spend some time when it’s just the two of you, coming together without distractions, reminding yourself why you took on this crazy life together in the first place.
My friend, Claudine, recently told me about something she did that made her feel incredibly sexy. She had boudoir photos taken of herself. Boudoir literally means bedroom, or woman’s dressing room. Boudoir photos are meant to be partially or fully nude, taken in a completely tasteful way. “I’m almost 40 and did them this past year for fun (because) my hubby was up for deployment and I wanted a ‘nice’ gift for him to remember me by,” Claudine told me. “I was scared witless, but the second I started the shoot I was totally transformed! After the shoot, I felt like I had more self confidence and felt sexier than ever before, at almost 40!” I know of several photographers who take professional photos of this nature. Seasyn McDowell Photography took some wonderful shots of my friend. And a personal friend of mine, Becky Lafayette of Becka Lynn Photography, takes gorgeous boudoir photos.
“I think that society wants us to look a certain way, and of course, we follow. But we don’t believe we are beautiful after churning out a child or two – the actual reality is that we BECOME more beautiful as we experience LIFE – children – family – love – etc.” Claudine Parks
What are some ways that you increase your sexuality, even as a busy parent?