Right now my kids are a couple days into their visit with their dad. He doesn’t live close by, so their visits are mostly dedicated to longer weekends or vacation times. This means they don’t get to see him very much. Luckily, social alternatives like cell phones and Facebook have allowed for a constant communication between them. The other result of such few and far between visits is that I get pretty used to them being around. So when they aren’t, the house is pretty empty.
This time around, it’s a little different. It used to feel ultra lonely when they’d leave for their dad’s house and I was stuck in an empty apartment. There is only so much cleaning and straightening that can be done. And the quiet that was once so coveted starts to feel louder than the noise. Even taking advantage of being kid-free by going out still meant I was coming home to an empty house. This time, however, I’m not alone – Mr. W and his son are still around while my kids visit the other half of their life. But even with the added company, it’s hard to know what to do with myself when my whole identity is wrapped up in being a mother.
Oh, don’t get me wrong. I have definitely taken advantage of the reprieve from parenthood so far. I’m not even going to pretend that I’ve been moping around the house, because I haven’t. Even though my kids are older and don’t require a ton of assistance in whatever they are up to, I’ve found a ton more time on my hands to do things like read a book, relax in the sun, and even enjoyed a visit to Francis Ford Coppola’s pool in Geyserville (seriously a must for all you families!) without having to keep an eye on the kids to ensure they weren’t drowning or bugging anyone around them. A delicious Mai Tai even made it to my hand, thus enhancing my relaxed state. 🙂
Before the kids left I made it a point to spend an even better amount of quality time with them. The night before their departure, I dyed their hair the awful red color they had been begging me to ruin their do’s with (see photo). Actually, I kind of like it – if I can just perfect the application process. The day they were to leave I did every single bit of their laundry, including all the towels that had been dyed red. I had been up all night with stomach yuckiness – no doubt a result of nerves over my kids being gone for so long – and I hung out on the couch with my daughter as we folded laundry and watched chick flicks. And before we made the long drive to their grandfather (who would transport them the rest of the way), I bought us all smoothies at Juice Shack, which we happily slurped the whole way there.
Since they left, the kids haven’t called me once. And I haven’t expected them to. In fact, it’s a good sign they haven’t because it means they are having a good time. Their dad, on the other hand, has been wonderfully keeping me informed of what they are up to. He called me the day they arrived with their grandfather to let me know they were there safe, and to go over the details of Taz’ diet and videogame restrictions, and other such instructions my little mini-mom DQ gave him just to be on the same page. He called on Father’s Day to fill me in on the events of the day and what he had planned for the kids. And he even admitted today that the Taz stayed up all last night (and has been sleeping all day) when the Ex forgot to snag the video game controllers before they went to bed, sending me a photo of the little gamer.
It’s a huge difference from the tumultuous way we used to interact with each other in the first few years of our divorce.
There are a few more days left before the kids come back. It’s funny, when the kids are here I can think of a million things I’d love to do that require kid-free time – most ending up in some sort of beachy scenery with a tropical drink and next to no clothing. However, with the kids gone, I find that my time is pretty much the same as when they’re here – just quieter. I do miss the kids, and can’t wait to see them again. But at the same time I would hate to let this rare opportunity pass me by without taking advantage of the situation a little – thus missing it once it’s gone.
If you could snag a good amount of kid-free time, what would you be doing with it?
Wine Country Mom 
At least you have Mr. W. around. I just sent my 7 y.o. off to visit his mother for a few weeks and man, is it quiet around here! What’s a single parent to do while their pride and joy is away? Mostly I’m using the time for some self improvement: dust off the kettle bells and breaking out the Rosetta stone. Any thoughts for some social activities for a single dad? 😉
It’s funny, I seriously forget all the things I dream of doing once the kids are away. But one thing you might want to consider is to get back in touch with any friends you may not have been hanging with as much because you have your kids with you so often. You can go out somewhere to catch up, but why not just hold an old-fashioned get-together at your house (that is magically cleaner without the little people messing everything up)? You could even have them bring food to share to ensure you aren’t spending more than you can afford, and to lessen the work for yourself. Invite those you know well, but don’t forget to include a few people you don’t know so well but would love to get to know better – like neighbors, acquaintances, or work buddies.
At the same time, don’t discount the need for some time to do nothing – GUILT FREE. When was the last time you enjoyed that?
Have fun!
You’re lucky you have Mr. W to keep you company while your kids are away. I, too, look forward to time alone whenever my ex picks up our kid on weekends. But once I’m home alone, yes, the dreaded deafening silence takes over. I’m then left just reminiscing moments with my daughter, and counting the hours until she comes back home to me.