How to answer "Does this outfit make me look fat?"

DQ was in our room this morning putting her hair up and borrowing my make-up – our usual morning routine while I’m getting ready and Mr. W is getting his coffee on. “Does my hair look bad like this?” she asked me. And I paused long enough for her to realize I wasn’t crazy about the look. “You hate it, don’t you,” she asked.

“No, I don’t hate it. It’s just not my favorite,” I admitted. She messed with it some more before finally taking it out and brushing it to start over. Mr. W came back in the room and I booted her out so he could shower. “Sorry, DQ,” I said, knowing she was struggling for her hair to work the way she wanted it to.

“It’s ok,” she said, leaving her mess on the counter for me to clean up. “I think my hair looks better down.” And she closed the door behind her.

“Sorry you have to kick her out,” Mr. W said once she was gone. “I guess this is like your bonding time, right?”

“Sort of,” I replied. “It’s more like her opportunity to use up all my make-up and hairspray, get an opinion on her hair and see if her outfit makes her look fat.”

Mr. W paused thoughtfully, mulling that over before turning back to me.

“How exactly do you answer that question – ‘Does this outfit make me look fat?’” he asked me seriously.

“Well you never say ‘yes’,” I told him. “Even if it does, you never say an outfit makes a girl look fat.”

“So what do you say?” he asked me.

“You say ‘Well, I’ve seen you look better,’ or suggest an outfit that is really flattering on them.”

“Really? That’s like 6 words compared to 1.” He held up his fingers to mimic people talking.

Finger 1: “Does this make me look fat?”
Finger 2: “Yes.”

Or…

Finger 1: “Does this make me look fat?”
Finger 2: “Well, I’ve seen you look better…”

“See?  It’s just way more effort than just telling her that it does,” he said.

“Except that’s not exactly how it would go,” I corrected him, then held up my own fingers.

Finger 1: “Does this make me look fat?”
Finger 2: “Yes.”
Finger 1: “Really. So you’re calling me fat?”
Finger 2: “No, wait. That’s not what I meant.”
Finger 1: “Oh I know what you meant. You think I’m fat.”
Finger 2: “You’re not fat. That outfit doesn’t make you look fat. In fact, it makes you look really skinny.”
Finger 1: “It’s fine. Whatever.”
Finger 2: “I’m serious! Have you lost weight?”
Finger 1: (no longer speaking, but finger manages to give a dirty look)
Finger 2: “I’m really sorry, sweetie.”
Finger 1: (still not speaking, but gives him the finger)
Finger 2: (sighs) “Can we just go now? You look really great.”
Finger 1: “I’m no longer in the mood. Just go without me. I’ll be here starving myself so I’m not so fat.”

Or…

Finger 1: “Does this make me look fat?”
Finger 2: “No, but I think those other pants make your butt look really hot.”
Finger 1: “Hmmmm…. You know, you’re right. I think I’ll wear those. Thank you sweetie!”

I smirked at Mr. W and went back to doing my hair. “See? It actually saves you a ton of time.”  He laughed out loud.

“Really?” he laughed.

“Really,” I told him matter-of-factly. I concentrated on my hair that was having it’s own issues. I had blow dried it, curled it, put it up, brushed it down…and it was flat as a pancake and just not cooperating. “Ugh! I hate my hair! It’s just not working!” I said. I managed to finally get it up in a messy bun that looked almost decent, and then checked it from the back.  I looked at Mr. W and raised my eyebrows quizzically to see what his opinion was.

“Well, I’ve seen it look better,” he said, then ducked behind the bathroom door to take his shower before I could smack him with the towel.

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7 thoughts on “How to answer "Does this outfit make me look fat?"”

  1. Sorry…can’t agree with Mr. W on his commentary…social and literary masterpiece???? Pulllleeese! But then there’s the expression that I think we all know and love(???) “Love is blind!” Another one that comes to mind…”If the shoe fits…wear it!”

  2. Dear Ms. Not-so-W,
    .
    Thank you so much for stopping along in your day to make someone else feel crappy for no apparent reason. BRAVO!
    .
    Pardon me for saying so, but if you don’t have a Mr. W who adores you, you don’t need to project your jealousy onto Wine Country Mom. Furthermore, I know I can’t say the word a%^# on this blog, but if I could, right about now I’d let you know that you sound a little but like a jacka%^#. Next time try thinking before you type something out on a public blog, to someone you don’t even know.
    .
    Sincerely,
    Kristin (or since we’re playing that game, you can call me- “Ms. Not afraid to use her real name”)
    .
    *Cheers!*

  3. Couldn’t agree with youl more kristin! I will never understand why people think that just cause they are hiding behind theyre computers, they can say whatever they want even if it’s hurtful. I can’t help but feel like “mrs not-so-w” wouldn’t have the balls to say such hurtful things to someone’s face. But that’s just my opinion….
    BTW: great article Wine County Mom!! I enjoyed it 🙂

  4. Mrs not so wonderful,

    Well, at least you got your name correct. If you weren’t such a bitter little princess, you might find a “Mr Wonderful” of your own so you could know what said conversation would look like.

    While we are quoting…….
    “Attitude without substance is just plain bitterness.”
    –Unknown

  5. The answer to that question is always “No.” No matter what she really looks like.
    If you don’t have in you to lie to spare someone’s feelings, avoid answering the question and instead say something positive like, “I love that color on you.”
    I’ve been on the receiving end of the various answers to that question and the only answer that ever satisified me was “No.” I don’t care if I look like a beached whale, say “No.”

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