Creepiest Potty Training products

As if dealing with your potty training kid’s doodie all over the house weren’t gag-worthy enough…

1.  Baby Bottom Fan 

Air drying is so passé, especially when they make fans for blowing air on your baby’s bottom. Forget the race in getting their diaper back on them as soon as humanly possible so they don’t squirt pee all over you – your baby will surely stay perfectly still while you let a fan blow air all over their tush.

2. Baby Poop Scoop Bag

Not just for doggies any more. Now you can follow your nakey bottom tyke all over the house with a little green baggie, waiting for them to make boom-boom. The idea is to make it easier to go diaperless, allowing the parent to stop whatever they’re doing no matter where they are, plop a bag under their precious toddler’s bottom, and allow the kid to do their business. But I see several problems with this one – namely, where does the PEE go? And just to make it perfectly clear, if I see a mommy holding one of these baggies in “go” position in an aisle of the supermarket, I am walking out.

3. Jackpotty Chair

I’m not sure why they didn’t come up with this sooner. It’s never too early to condition our kids for the casinos, even when they are just barely out of diapers.

  4. The Magic Bowl Potty Training DVD

The DVD is definitely sure to catch your toddler’s attention as they sing along with all the potty songs. But something’s definitely creepy about a toilet that smiles after being shot in the eye with a stream of urine.

5. Pee-pee Teepee

I was just thinking, “How can I waste my money?” when I came across these fun little teepees made especially for a little pee-pee, now available in designer shades and designs. There is even a camouflage teepee so you can play “where’s the wee?” – and then really not be able to find it. And to think, I used to just cover my son’s penis with a towel, or just went super fast. I can’t help but wonder what baby out there lays so perfectly still that they can balance a tiny little hat on their wee.

6. Peter Potty Toddler Urinal

Actually, this is pretty awesome. Forget the toddler, I’m pretty sure some of you men out there are lining up to buy one of these for your bathrooms, along with the wives who are wiping up the piddle on the floor.

7. Plush Pee & Poo

Yes.  Let’s encourage our kids to potty train by giving them excremental toys to play with. Genius.

8. Potty Monkey

This monkey needs help from your toddler to go potty, reminding your child to go in 30-90 minute intervals. “I need to go potty! Let’s go potty!” he’ll tell your child politely. But careful, this Potty Monkey gets pissed if he isn’t allowed to use the potty, becoming more and more agitated the longer he has to wait. And if pottying never happens, watch out! “’Oh no, I had an accident, next time please take me to the potty when I need to go!” Cute idea, sure. But I’m also willing to bet that every parent is going to want to throw this Potty Monkey out the window after 90 minutes of potty talk.

9. Potty Piddlers

Oh no, Little Johnny! You can’t eat those little colorful candy rings, you pee on them!

10. Tinkle Tube

“Prevents you from touching the child’s little soldier, which keeps you and the child clean.” First of all, little soldier??? Gag. Second, please tell me how we are supposed to get our tyke’s “little soldier” in there without touching it. They claim that this is more convenient than taking your child to the potty. But when I think of all that is involved in balancing my son’s “little soldier” in a tiny tube, emptying the contents, cleaning it and then sterilizing it, I think I’ll take the inconvenience of the potty over this any day.

And as an added bonus, I found the creepiest of all Potty Training products…

The Interactive Toilet

Something tells me that yes, this potty will work the first time your toddler sits on it. I mean, wouldn’t a chair that grabs at you scare the poop out of you? Of course, after the first time your toddler has been traumatized, I sincerely doubt they will sit on it again… This is a sure way to make sure your child is the only college kid still in diapers.